so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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