end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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