just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
