My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
