I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
