my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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