The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
