i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
