you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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