She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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