I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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