Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize