Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
