i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize