I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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