Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
