I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize