Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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