Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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