how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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