dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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