A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
