just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
