Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize