I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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