Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
His nipple licking is glorious
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