My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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