found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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