you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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