and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
