My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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