yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize