Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize