there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
