it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize