I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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