Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
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