I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
