Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize