Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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