he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
