So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
