maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
