Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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