I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
