I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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