i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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