When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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