Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You can't just leave with hair like that
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
