i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
