it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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