...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He shit in the fireplace
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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