Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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