chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize