it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
