hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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