You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
