she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
