Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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