Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
