we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
