oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
