For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
