btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
