Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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