Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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