I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
