my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
