So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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