why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
