And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
