Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize