What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Found your dick twin last night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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