u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize