I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
