I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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