she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
