Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
