No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
