Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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