i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
