I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
