I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
