And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
