There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
