That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
