WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
