Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
