The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
