I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
