why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
