this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize