am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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