hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
